A million years ago on this day I had a due date. A day that should have outshined Christmas. Instead I have a day that means nothing but cricket and recovering from the exhaustion of Christmas Day.
I have a day that means only something quietly to me, one that no one else remembers, one I can't celebrate nor grieve.
A pregnancy that has become the pivotal event in my life, that has shaped it ever since.
I wish I knew you.
I wish I got to hold your hand while you had a tantrum in the supermarket over not being allowed a lolly. I wish I got to stay up, checking your temperature every 20 mins because you were ill and I was worried. I wish I could have watched you wander off to your first day of kinder, or argued with you about eating your dinner -again.
I wish you were remembered by others, so I didn't feel so lonely in my sadness.
I loved you.
You existed to me.
I remember... Though sometimes I wish I could forget.
My Wife Waited for Me in the Wheat Field Chapter 37
21 hours ago
My deepest sympathies.... I'm very touched by this post and just wanted you to know.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. All I can think is what my Aunty told me when I lost my own baby that "You learn to live with the pain, but you never get over it." I hope amongst the very bittersweet memories of the day, you managed to have some moments of laughter and light. x
ReplyDelete"You learn to live with the pain, but you never get over it."
ReplyDeleteI love that saying.
Trine, I remember.. I remeber your mum telling us how excited you all were that you were going to have a litle family of your own. I remember seeing you after you lost your baby and how sad you looked... I wanted to come up and give you the biggest hug!. Just remember you have the sweetest little boy in the world and that's all you need!. I know what it's like to "want" more perfect babies, but you have your 2 boys and you are behond blessed to have those gorgeous/healthy boys in your life.
<3 Manda.