The world changed dramatically today..six years ago

December 1st 2005 at 9.58am Joseph Michael Kruse came into the world weighing in at 9 pound 3 ounces.

After a six and a half hour labour during which, when the midwife said push i said no, because I was still waiting for the bad bit to come.. (When the midwife said "Push next contraction sweetheart" I said "No thanks, it's okay"  She said "You need to push, your baby is ready to come out" Me "No, really not yet" Midwife "Humour me" Me "Alright... but... " and a very VERY short time later I was holding him!)

The very first hands he felt were those of his glowingly proud Daddy who delivered him, and placed him on my chest.

He was the most beautiful little thing I had ever laid my eyes on - and wonderfully annoyed at the disturbance to his previously wet and comfy world. 

It's so true that there is nothing quite as beautiful as your babies first cry.  It brings on a flood of emotions that you just cannot imagine, or prepare yourself for.

I have never felt the world to be so instantly changed as at that moment... It was suddenly both more wonderful, and more scary all at the same time.

Parenthood is both the greatest gift, the most rewarding thing I have embarked upon and also the hardest, most emotional thing I have ever attempted.

I have never been so challenged.  Never felt such elation at times, and at other times so defeated.  I have often wondered if I'm cut out for this role of motherhood.  But even when I feel I'm the worst parent in the world he still loves me...

I suppose that cuts both ways really though. Because even when he's driving me absolutely crazy and I am battling with idea's on how to combat his terrible new behaviour or he's just drawn on the wall or dug (another) hole in the middle of the lawn to play soldiers in... I love him right through it all with every fibre of my body and there is nothing I wouldn't do or sacrifice for him.

He is the greatest gift I have ever received and the biggest most wonderful part of my life.

Happy sixth birthday to the most important person in my world- My Joe xxx

Muddled up Mumma - ahh.. the truth of it..

I'm sharing this blog for two reasons:

1. It's a great blog..

2. This is the kind of honesty I need for this project - curtains drawn back, saying those things that we otherwise would her hushed over..because, if you don't be completely honest, this book is a waste of my time and yours and it will not be "true".


I happened upon Muddled Up Mumma in my wandering around the internet seeking story tellers and this particular post on her blog really stuck me - so I'm sharing :)

It's called "I don't love being a Mum" and it's well worth a read.  I love the honesty - because seriously (and look at the comments) this being a Mum gig.... it's not always as wonderful as we gush it is right? 

Sometimes, for weeks on end it just feels like hard work - no, not because we don't love our children (Joe is the light of my life, the reason I keep going..I think we've established that though) but there are times when it is hard to keep juggling all the balls that motherhood throws at us - and stay sane. 

And yet, when asked "Oh yes, being a Mum is the best job in the world"

Recently, I think I shocked a young pair of church lads that knocked on my door.  One of the first things they asked was about Joe and being a Mum.  I answered them by saying that being a Mum was both the most amazingly rewarding job, and the hardest bloody thing I have ever done....and not to ask me that question at 3am when I'm trying to get him to go back to sleep because I'm so darned tired and I don't CARE if he's not!

Of course, I wouldn't swap him for the world, or give him back (he was far too hard to come by for that) I think he's the most amazing little human who has an incredibly beautiful heart...I'm very, very proud to know him, let alone be able to say "Yeah, that kid over there.. the sweet cheeky looking one.. he's my son"

But..

It's not all sunshine and lollipops. When it is though.... *sigh* isn't it lovely..

Don't crucify me - you all know these things are true - we're just not usually allowed to say them :)

Shoot on over, check her out and get a sense of how you should write your story.  Like no one is going to judge you for it.. fill it with the truth, no matter how dark.. because for the next person to tread your path........ the truth of it is what they are seeking so they too can know they are not alone.