Sunday, 24 July 2011

A project with heart, requires your story.

My name is Katrina, though everyone calls me Trine.  I am 31 years old.  I am a wife and mother.  There is nothing particularily interesting about me or my life.  I'm a daughter, a sister, and aunt.  I have no particular talents that stand me apart from others.  I work two jobs, neither of them being to do with something I'm passionate about, but they pay the bills and afford me small amounts of time with my beautiful little boy.

Why on earth has someone so ordinary bothered to start a blog you ask?  Well, that's a very good question, and please - grab a coffee to wake you up and read on.  Please, I would love you to let me know what you think of how I'm spending my spare time.

I'm compiling a book and have thus far recieved quite alot of very positive responses to my project. What is it about? Righto here we go.......

I am putting together a book specifically aimed at people who have just been told that there is something wrong with their child - either during pregnancy or afterwards. Also including those that have been told early on in their pregnancy of a significant problem, then made the difficult decision to terminate and how they dealt with that on an emotional level.

I don't want to put together a medical journal - that would be missing the whole point. It is not to be focused on EXACTLY what the problem is/was in depth. What I want are a compilation of stories from the perspective of mums/dads/uncles/aunts/grandparents/siblings etc that deal with the emotional rollercoaster. I want raw, honest emotion. What I really want is to be able to produce a book for those people who are feeling incredibly angry/confused/lost/helpless but also the positive people who have taken the news in their stride and gone - OK, what do we do from here. I want mums and dads to be able to find a story they can identify with and hopefully - that lets them know how they are dealing with this hurdle is normal (even if they are laying in bed crying) and someone else has been there and gotten through it. I want relatives or friends to be able to pick up this book and understand where their loved on is right now and exactly what they may be experiencing. Because as you know, until you've walked a mile in someone’s shoes...

I want to hear exactly how people felt at THAT moment when you heard the news or felt themselves that something wasn't right (were you in denial, did you jump into action?) and then afterwards. How other people reacted, friends or family or just the lady on the street.

I was wondering if any of you would be interested in writing a piece for the book? There is no pressure or hurry - right now I'm not even past the touching base with people stage, though I have a number of people already writing a draft for me to work on :) I don't expect a whole books worth, this is to be a bunch of short stories not long journeys through your lives. You don't have to have your name attached (maybe just your first name or anon) I don't want anything prettied up - I've heard one lady say that sadly, for a few weeks towards the end of her pregnancy she hated her baby and blamed it for ruining her life (this didn't last thankfully) I'm sure she isn't the only one that has felt such pain and so alone.

Feel free to forward my details to anyone you think may be interested in participating in this they don't need to be a super writer - everything will be edited and chopped and fixed up later anyway and the end product will go back to the owner of the piece it for their approval. My email is

I have already received some very positive feedback and I really want to get this off the ground. I've heard several people talk about how dark and alone they felt being surrounded by people who didn't really grasp the way it impacts your soul finding out that your baby is, although absolutely perfect to you, going to face such hurdles in their lives. As a parent, there are so many emotional responses involved in being given any less than perfect outcome for the little being that you want to see grow up, marry, have children, be independant, travel, have a career etc. We start out, upon finding out we're pregnant with so many hopes and dreams for this little person growing in our bellies.
I hope that we can make just a handful of people, feel a little less alone and give them the truth as to how a "normal" person has coped already with this verdict (or not coped either way..)

Please as I said forward my details to anyone you think might also want to tell their story bearing in mind it needn't be a deeply impacting problem - it could be something as simple as hearing difficulties, or resulted in losing your angel.

It's all about hearing a Doctor say something you wish they'd take back and how this changed your world forever.

Thankyou for reading this. I've also contacted many (many) different medical centers and support systems to try to tease stories out of people. If you know someone who may be interested in being involved - or you think their story should be told, please let me know.

Thankyou all so, so much. I understand this is a sensitive subject, and alot of people wouldn't like to discuss it. But sometimes I've found it's the stories that aren't told that are the ones that could help someone else to cope a little better. Pre my little guy arriving, with the losses I suffered I had never felt so incredibly alone, and so wrong to be so wishing I had died too. I felt that according to the world I should have just picked myself up out of the hospital bed and gone "meh... well, maybe next time" dusted my hands off and gotten on with life like it'd never happened.

If even one of you forwards this, or shares your story I thank you so greatly in advance!

Trine xxxx


  1. Hi Trine, this sounds like SUCH a great idea and as a person who has travelled that road, I can tell you it would be incredibly helpful.

    I would love to post but it might take a little while as I get my wisdom teeth out tomorrow! Though, it might be a good time to reflect as I spend time at home recovering.

    Many thanks for your courage in stepping out and starting something that so many of us wished we'd done.

    Kind regards,

  2. Thankyou for wanting to be a part of this and for your very kind words. It took me a while (quite a while) to start talking about this project which I have been pondering for quite some time. Partly because I knew it would be hard for many people to write about and partly because it brings everything that I have, quitely and in private tried to deal with myself for a very long time. This is going to be a tough journey for me and many others but I think it will be so beneficial and worthwhile in the long run.

    I look forward to hearing your story. Let me know if I can be of any assistance at all either via email or phone. Don't hurry your story, this isn't a quick thing I'm trying to bang together. It will take time to get it right and make sure your story conveys what you truely want it to. Please, feel no pressure to be fast about it.

    Again, thankyou for believing in what I'm doing here.


  3. I was told things were wrong during my pregnancy and after, funny thing is , none of them were the same :o)

  4. You may want to leave a message at Baby Centre Australia. They have a grief and Special Needs sections.

  5. Thankyou Sharon, I shall pop on over and add a link!